A Forbidden Union Read online

  “Did he tell you his name? Sister Anna?” Her friend touched her shoulder, and tears pricked her eyes.

  She took a deep breath and gave Mary a small smile. “Daniel Greenleaf. He’s a Union soldier.”

  Mary’s eyes widened and a catty note entered her voice. “Becoming name he has even if he is a soldier.” She paused and slid her gaze toward Anna’s face. “How pitiful that he’s been so badly wounded. Do you think he will live?”

  Anna ignored her friend’s tone of voice. Mary could be difficult sometimes. “I don’t know.” She swallowed hard.

  “But you want him to. How old do you think he is?” Mary’s eyes narrowed and a smile played about her lips.

  “Yes, of course I do. He’s… perhaps twenty-one. It was hard to tell with the blood on his face and his pallid state.”

  “I see. Well, be careful, Sister Anna.”

  “What do you mean? I simply helped one of the world’s people in need. You would have done the same had you found him in the bushes as I did.” Anna’s voice shook as she attacked a weed with vengeance.

  “I know I would have. Tread lightly, Sister Anna. You know how the elders and eldresses deal with… besotted women.”

  Anna bent to her knees, sucking in a surprised breath.

  Is it so obvious that he’s what I’m thinking about and have been for every moment since I first saw him?

  “I’m not besotted. Just concerned for a wounded, perhaps dying, man as any sister would be.” A ball of fear knotted in her chest. The last thing she wanted was all the eyes of the elders and eldresses on her and a stern warning from them about fraternizing with men.

  “Glad to hear it.” Mary cleared her throat. “I have to be going to help with lunch. I’ll see you later.”

  “Goodbye.” Anna didn’t look up from her work.

  I’m so tired of people telling me what I should do and how I should feel, and the betrayal of a friend only adds to it.

  She stood, stretching her sore back. Her gaze traveled toward the house, and her heart picked up its pace.

  I wonder if they’ll need my help with Daniel. It’s time for lunch either way.

  She measured her steps, looking forward to going home for the first time in a long time.

  ****

  “Sister, our young soldier asked for you by name in the few moments that he was awake since we brought him in.” The other eldress of the house, Dorcas, said as soon as Anna entered.

  Several gazes latched onto her from the table where the members of the household were eating lunch.

  “Oh.” Her heart leapt.

  “You told him your name, sister?” Her father’s voice rose.

  “I did. Only because he asked. It seemed right. He was dying. Telling him my name was the least I could do at the time.” Anna tried to keep the tremble from her voice.

  “You did right in the eyes of God, sister.” Her father gave her a small smile and a nod.

  “Thank you.” She breathed a sigh of relief and got her own plate. The rules against mixing of the sexes were sharp, as Anna well knew. I didn’t trespass. I’m glad they know that.

  She dared not ask about Daniel Greenleaf’s state but moved through the day in a place of separation of body and mind. Body worked at various tasks, and mind thought of Daniel and of his heart-shaped face and long-lashed eyes.

  Her mother came to her bedroom after supper. “I suppose you wish to know how the soldier is.”

  “I had wondered.” Anna busied herself with straightening her drawers, avoiding her mother’s gaze.

  “He is stable now, it seems. The doctor has been in and out. Sister Anna, look at me. I’d request your attention to such an important matter as the life or death of a young man, even if he isn’t one of our own brothers.” Her mother’s tone brooked no argument, and she stopped her work.

  “Yes, sister. I’m sorry.” Her mother had misread her entirely, much to her relief.

  “Doc Cyrus said the soldier will need a few nurses round the clock for a week or more. You are good with nursing. Would you be willing?” Her mother paused, her lips pinching together. “I know it’s not common, but you’ve nursed men and boys before, and you’re of a sound mind.”

  Anna tried to speak, but no sound came out of her mouth. If she only knew…

  “Sister Anna?” Her mother frowned.

  “Yes, of course. It’s the least I can do to serve in Christ’s stead.” She lowered her gaze, hoping her mother couldn’t see the small smile that had come to her lips.

  “Good. Then you’ll take a shift tonight starting at half past ten. And Sister Anna?”

  She gazed into her mother’s eyes, biting her lip. “Yes?”

  “This is just for tonight. The other sisters are exhausted. I know you’ll do your duty well. He’s slept all day anyhow and only woke up once.” Her mother gave her a small smile.

  “Yes, sister.”

  “When the clock strikes the hour, just go on up to him. He’s in the first bedroom on the right.”

  Anna took a sharp breath.

  “As I said, I know. It’s not something that’s done. In this case, the elders and eldresses of this house and community are making an exception. The young soldier’s life is more important than this rule… as long as we all act with propriety.” Her mother stared at her as if sizing up her frame of mind.

  Her nerves were on edge, her thoughts spinning at seeing the young soldier again.

  “Of course. I will do my work well with my heart to God.” The Shaker motto came to her, and she smiled at the thought of the steadying tenet of her religion for the first time in a long while.

  “Good. Sleep well, daugh — sister. You should rest now until your shift comes.”

  “I will. Goodnight, sister.” Tears pricked her eyes at the near endearment her mother had held on her tongue. She often missed being a daughter to someone.

  But those days are gone now.

  Chapter Two

  When the clock struck ten-thirty, Anna’s eyes were wide open. She couldn’t sleep anymore if she had to. She had gotten a few hours of rest, and those had been hard earned with Daniel’s face always in her mind.

  She rose from the bed, smoothed her dress, and secured her bonnet. Controlling the pace of her walk to the men’s staircase proved difficult. Anna paused for a moment on the threshold. I can’t believe I’m going to do this — to walk up the men’s staircase and into their wing of the house.

  She had never so much as taken a long look up the staircase. Even previously married brothers and sisters like her parents didn’t use the stairs of the opposite sex, much less go into their bedrooms.

  Squaring her shoulders, Anna took the first few steps tentatively, the ticking clock her only companion. Everyone else slept for the usual early morning to come.

  But not for me. I’ll get to sleep while they work. She took a deep breath at the thought. It made her lightheaded for some reason — the freedom of a different schedule and the time with Daniel.

  I mustn’t think like that. It’s dangerous. This is only the work of Christian mercy.

  Her slippers moved in silence against the wood of the floors. For a moment, her actions felt holy. She breathed outside the closed door, her hand trembling against it. Saying a silent prayer, Anna pushed it open and walked inside.

  ****

  Daniel’s eyelids flew open in the near darkness. He registered a slice of the moon hanging outside his window and a woman at the door.

  It’s her… Anna. And something that begins with a B for the last name. The first name and the memory of huge brown eyes and a hesitant voice came to him through a fog of medicine and pain, as did other memories of cannons and pain, men’s screams, and the thick smell of blood.

  He moaned, wanting only to block it all out and to be home.

  Nothing else mattered but that. The hills of Western Pennsylvania shimmered before his inward gaze with his ma and pa in the foreground of the scene. As he let his eyes close again, a tear slid
down his cheek.

  I have to make it back to you… and to Alethia. That’s all that matters now.

  ****

  Anna stared into the darkness. I swear his eyes opened. I must have been mistaken. Disappointment spiraled through her down to her toes. She glided to her patient’s side and lit the candle next to his bed, hoping he would sleep through her examination.

  Anna’s face grew hot, and her body held a new awareness of another human being — of a man — that she’d never had before. Before, men had been an enigma to her, but most in the community were too old or young for it to matter. And the walls between the sexes were too high to climb anyway.

  But not now. He’s here. A man in real flesh and blood. The pulse beat in his throat, strong and vivid in the dim light. Anna tore her gaze away from it and got up, checking the vanity for supplies.

  The thought of changing his dressing, of seeing his naked flesh, caused a dizziness to sweep over her and she clutched at the dresser, knocking off a cup.

  “Oh.”

  “Please…” Daniel whispered.

  She whirled around, heat infusing her.

  “What is it? Are you in pain?” She held fast to the dresser as if the man were a poisonous snake.

  “Yes, but it’s not that.” His voice came out cracked and broken.

  “Wait. Let me get you some water.” Anna poured water from a pitcher, her hands shaking. She moved forward, leaning over him. “Ah, you can’t sit up to hold it. That’s fine.” She whispered the words, her face close to his as she moved her hand behind his head, her hand over his silken curls and damp, hot neck.

  Daniel sipped with cracked lips in greedy gulps as she positioned the glass over his mouth. After some moments, he stopped. She took her hand away and put the glass on the vanity next to the bed.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Please, sit by me.” His voice broke.

  Anna nodded and pulled the chair near the bed. “I need to examine you — to change your dressing. How are you feeling?” Heat crept up her neck, and she avoided his gaze.

  “Not so well.” His face was still dark with bruises and cuts, but he managed to crack a smile.

  She returned it. He’s so handsome. Surely he belongs to someone who loves and misses him more than the air she breathes.

  “Is there anything else I can do for you at the moment? More laudanum? I suppose it’s been a while since your last dose.”

  He nodded. “That would be wonderful. And… Anna—”

  Her name on his lips made her start as she examined the bottles on the dresser.

  “Yes?”

  “Thank you for saving my life.”

  “I simply found you. It could have been anyone who did.” She tried to steady her breathing as she put the tincture in water for him.

  “But it was you, and I will be eternally grateful.” He sighed.

  “Don’t tire yourself.” Anna took the medicine to him. She sat in the chair and leaned over him with the cup.

  He drank it. “Thank you.”

  “Let me check your dressing.” Anna crossed to the other side of the bed and pulled back the blankets covering him. Her hands trembled at the thought of touching his skin.

  My patients have been women up till now — for good reason.

  Her hands fluttered over the wound. “Please tell me if this hurts. I’ll do my best to be gentle.”

  His eyelashes came down like a dark curtain as he winced. “You’re doing fine. The woman — sister — before you wasn’t so gentle.”

  “Thank you.” Anna peeled the bandage back with care, tears springing to her eyes when she saw the gaping hole of the wound.

  “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

  She shook her head, swallowing hard over the lump in her throat. “Not so bad as long as we keep it clean and dressed.”

  Anna grabbed new dressings, gauze, and an ointment some of the sisters made and kept on hand for cuts and scrapes. The local doctor admired it and used it himself quite often. She lay the new dressing on with care, her heart picking up its pace at the warmth of Daniel’s skin. After securing the dressing she stood.

  Daniel groaned.

  “I’m sorry. I’ve hurt you.”

  “No. You didn’t. It’s just painful, a burning that won’t go away.”

  “It will… in time. Get some rest. I’ll be here if you wake up needing anything. The doctor said you’ll have to be watched ‘round the clock for a week.” Anna remained near his side, drinking in every detail of him.

  There’s nowhere I’d rather be right now than with a man, perhaps a dying man. What does that say about me?

  “Anna?”

  His voice snapped her out of her reverie. “Yes?”

  “Thank you. I know I’ll sleep better with you here.”

  She nodded and smiled. “Good. Sleep well, brother.”

  “Brother?” He gave her a confused look.

  “It’s what I should be calling you. It’s only proper.” She cleared her throat and moved back to her chair next to the bed.

  “Proper means nothing between us. You saved my life. I’ll call you Anna. You may call me what you wish.” His voice shook with passion.

  “As you wish… Daniel.” Her tongue lingered on his name, savoring it like a sweet.

  “Good. Goodnight, Anna.”

  She smiled, her heart fuller than it had ever been. “Sleep well, Daniel.”

  ****

  A rough hand shook her awake hours later. Sun streamed through the window. Anna’s gaze flew to Daniel. He was sleeping, a grimace on his face.

  “Time to go to bed, girl, and up with you later for chores.” An eldress from another household stood there.

  “Yes. Thank you.”

  “How was he during the night?” The woman’s gaze was sharp as if she missed nothing.

  “Well. He didn’t wake up once I gave him laudanum and dressed his wounds.”

  The woman’s face tightened. “I see. Perhaps you should leave the wound dressing to me.”

  Anna lowered her gaze. “As you wish. It needs to be done twice a day, and I’m well capable.”

  “I’ll do it, along with the other sister. It’s not proper for you. You’re… so young. We must guard against the wiles of the devil.” The woman’s eyes glowed with fervor.

  “Yes, sister.” Anna stood and walked to the door. “I’ll be going now.”

  “Anna.” Daniel’s voice stopped her with her hand on the knob.

  “Yes?” Her voice shook. Sister Willa wouldn’t think it proper at all that she was called by her first name — especially by a young man.

  “Thank you.”

  Sister Willa made a sound in her throat. “Sister, I’ll see you out.”

  Anna closed her eyes, misery washing over her. I wish he had never called me Anna. If only…

  She walked out of the room, and the sister came behind, slamming the door shut. “What is the meaning of that… that spectacle! Why did he call you by name?” Her gaze bored into Anna.

  “He insisted. He said that I’d saved him, and that he would call me by my first name.” Anna avoided looking at Sister Willa.

  “I don’t care what one of the world’s people think about what we do here. You are sister, and he is brother to you. Do you understand? You open the door for the tempter, sister. If I hear such things again, I’ll have to notify the other elders and eldresses.”

  Anna met her gaze. “That won’t be necessary.”

  “Good. I’ll talk with him about it as well.” The woman sniffed. “Be off with you.”

  Anna walked down the stairs, shame filling her. What have I done? The thought of Sister Willa talking with Daniel about how he addressed her made her sigh with embarrassment. And why is it wrong that a man should use my name?

  She halted her thoughts as she sat down at the kitchen table, where a plate of food awaited her. It is wrong. Sexual temptations ruin our simple way of life if we let them. Anna ate;
the food was like glue in her throat.

  He’ll be gone soon enough, and all of this will be like a dream. I must keep my focus on hands to work and heart to God.

  Chapter Three

  Anna arose from her sleep, her senses acute. It’s time.

  From the time she had left Daniel’s side two days before, all she had thought about was getting back there. He had spent the day before in a delirium, and they hadn’t spoken.

  Anxiety coursed through her as she made her way to his bedroom in the still of the house. I hope he has improved. He must.

  She cracked open the door.

  “Anna. Come in,” he whispered.

  “You mustn’t…” she trailed off as he held up a hand, a smile on his face.

  “I will. Just between you and me. I’m not afraid of an old biddy.”

  Anna came closer to him. “She’s not—”

  “Really? Seems to me she is. I don’t want to upset things here, though, so I’ll honor the community… when I’m with the rest of them. When we’re together, you are Anna to me. Anna alone.”

  Anna sat down with a thud as her legs gave way. “Yes.”

  “And I would like to be Daniel to you. Is that not how friends address one another?” He stared at her, his cheeks rosy for the first time since she’d seen him.

  “Perhaps.”

  “It is.”

  “You seem to be much improved.” She avoided his gaze, her emotions in a stir. His hands lay on the top of the sheet.

  No wedding band. Anna sucked in a breath at this discovery.

  “Are you all right, Anna?” Daniel’s brow furrowed.

  “Quite. Do you need anything?” She gave him what she hoped was a pleasant smile. Her insides roiled.

  “No, just companionship. It’s lonely here — and with the other sisters. They aren’t as pleasant as you are.” He grinned.

  “Oh.” I sound like a mute fool.

  “I hope to leave soon. In four more days if all is well. The brethren will take me home by cart, which is kind of them.”

  “Oh? And where is home?” Her heart sank at the thought of his leaving. I need to stop being foolish. He’s only here to get well.

  “The hills of Pennsylvania. I miss them… and other things.” His eyes held a faraway look in them, and Anna’s heart lurched.